Victims Of The Great Shift #8
Do I have to say it again?
I am not a sorority girl!
I have two Ph.Ds and more than thirty years of experience in academia! I still publish articles on prestigious journals and give talks at conferences all around the world.
It's just that The Great Shift swapped me with a young fashion model!
The only reason I'm wearing a bikini right now is because that's what my cognitive dissonance therapist recommended me to do!
Hey! Looking for delicious hamburgers at amazing prices?
Well, you're in luck, because this is hands down the best place in town to get them! Me and the guys come here all the time to eat and hang out together!
Eh, why am I saying 'guys' and not 'gals'?
Well, because even though The Great Shift swapped all of us into a bunch of attractive girls, it's still me and the guys! Nothing is going to change that!...
Although now that I think about it, 'me and the gals' has a nice ring to it if you ask me.
I can't blame people for focusing on the gender aspects of The Great Shift, but it's annoying that many often forget about the cultural aspects of it as well.
You know how many times I've had to explain that despite my current looks, I was raised in a purely Chinese household where Mandarin was spoken all the time?
More than you could ever imagine!
Thankfully, I've met a lot of people who have faced the same problem, so it's not as bad anymore. But truth be told, if it weren't for them, I would have gone crazy by now!
Let me be clear about something before you say anything: I did not have sex after The Great Shift.
I just happened to swap bodies with a woman who was in the first month of her pregnancy.
Of course, that was seven months ago, so as you can see, I have grown quite the belly. It has been quite the pain in the ass dealing with the soreness and the cravings that my body now experiences, and yet, I can't help but feel attached to the child growing inside of me. That being said, I'm definitely not looking forward to the birth.
When The Great Shift swapped me with my sister Indira, I thought that coming to terms with my new body was going to be the most memorable thing about it.
Turns out, it was me becoming a matchmaker what became the most memorable thing about the swap!
Basically, my friend Jennifer found me physically attractive while my sister had a crush on her. My sister didn't ask her out because she knew Jennifer was into guys, but when we swapped bodies, well... I think you can guess what happened later.
My wife and I were about to submit our divorce papers to court when The Great Shift happened, grinding the process to a halt given that technically, we were not in our former bodies anymore.
Now, you might think that this was a nightmare for the two of us, but in fact, it was... something else.
You see, I ended up in the body of a young woman while my wife ended up in the body of a young man, and well... let's just say that for the time being, we've agreed to stay together in order to explore our new bodies- I mean lives together.
Hey, y'all.
I used to be some southern guy in his late forties when The Great Shift swapped me with a young Japanese gal visitin' the area.
Why the sad face?
Well, it's not because I'm a young, Japanese woman now. In fact, I'd say that becomin' a young, Japanese woman is by far the best thing that could'ave ever happened to me!
The sad face is more outta frustration. You can't imagine how annoyin' it is for folks to ask you to speak Japanese just because you look Asian!
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